he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
