I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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