she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
