had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
