Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
