You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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