I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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