But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
