Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
