You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize