ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
