I think my fart just growled at me.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
