No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
