You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize