only you would photoshop your dick
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
