I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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