You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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