I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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