I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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