Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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