..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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