My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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