No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
vagina is talking i cant
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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