Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
