I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
