got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
