You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I want to have your abortion
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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