just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
