you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You took a bar mat shot.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
