Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is it penis luge time yet?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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