Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
