Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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