Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
