Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
