Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
as a side note pls kill me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize