if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
