He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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