at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
