I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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