You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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