I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
