Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's blow job season.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
