i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
