i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
