We're like a lot better than the average bears
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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