why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
