Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
