Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize