If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
