Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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