Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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