He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
