I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i barfeds in our rink
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
