I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
