she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
