things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize