She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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