It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
