you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
