Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
