goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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