chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
