You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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