i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
